Carefree disorder

Having OCD or just the O or the C make being carefree near impossible.

It feels as if every moment in my day is filled with tasks that need to be completed at this very second. And if not then I’ll die.

If it sounds stressful, well it is.

All I want is to let go, go with the flow, find peace. But the worrying keeps me awake, keeps my brain at a constant bzzzzzzzz.

I convince myself that if I just finish the dishes my life will be perfect. Then I have to wipe down the counter afterward and then after that everything will be perfect and I can relax. Then I get soapy water all over my shirt, where it hits the edge of the counter where the dish waster piles up. I have to do the laundry now. If only I had this new laundry soap I’ve had my eye on for weeks. I should go to the store. Then after all that my life will be perfect.

If it sounds exhausting, it’s because it is.

So, every few weeks or so I enter my “epiphany” phase. It’s where I see the light and decide to live my life different from now on. And it works for a few days. Then I see some hair on the carpet and start vacuuming. But first I have to sweep and brush my cat. Because you know, that would make the vacuuming useless if I did it first ….

This was inspired by the Carefree Daily Prompt.

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